Sometimes you’ve got to wonder what goes through the minds of TV executives. Today, the Disney-ABC Television Group decided to launch its Web video studio, Stage 9 Digital Media, with the debut of “Squeegees” on both YouTube and ABC.com.

Lame doesn’t begin to describe this three-and-half-minute comedy about the hijinks of a window-washing crew. The acting is horrible and the jokes fall flat—drunk, naked window washer (don’t ask) scares kids in a day care class as he dangles outside their window. It is something that ABC, one hopes, would never put on television. So why subject Web audiences to something like this? In another clueless move, ABC has turned off the embedding feature in the YouTube player. I guess it doesn’t want people spreading the show around.

I wouldn’t be so harsh on ABC, except that in the press release announcing the launch of Stage 9 and “Squeegees” there is this quote from Barry Jossen, the “Acadamy Award-winning short-form producer” who is now the general manager of Stage 9:

While the new media space is loaded with UGC, we feel the audience is missing the quality experience found in other forms of exhibition, and we are answering their need. This creative frontier gives us the opportunity to develop new franchises, discover and develop talent and, most importantly, expand the standard of excellence set by our parent company in creating superior episodic programming with great stories and production values.

Superior episodic programming? Please. ABC/Stage 9 has 20 more Web shows in the works, and maybe it will get it right with one of them. But with “Squeegees” it is not putting its best foot forward, and it is certainly not expanding the “standard of excellence.” I’ll take original Web shows like Rocketboom, WallStrip, or Pop17 any day over something half-produced. What ABC fails to understand is that when it comes to Web video, authenticity trumps production values.

There is nothing wrong with going the “quality experience” route, but you can’t go half way. Because it is ABC, people will expect more from any show associated with Stage 9 than from someone filming in their house. If it is going to try to teach the Web how video is really made, then it should have picked a different opening act.

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When it comes to Web video, short clips under three minutes still make up the vast majority of what people watch. But as the quality of video improves, more people will be willing to sit and watch streams of half-hour sitcoms, hour-long dramas, and maybe even entire movies. Already, there is some anecdotal evidence of this shift.

Move Networks—which powers the media players and back-end streaming infrastructure for ABC, ESPN360, Fox On-Demand, and the Discovery Channel—released the following data today for videos streamed from all its customers’ Websites collectively:

· So far in November, more than 100,000 new individuals are watching long-form video (anything 20 minutes or over) online each day, twice as many as in August.

· In November, the average session length is more than 50 minutes.

· In October 2007, more than 6 million people watched long form streaming video online.

· Since March 2007, Move has streamed almost 50 million hours of television.

These numbers still pale compared to actual TV, but as the growth continues they will start to attract even more advertising dollars than they do already.

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Big TV is close to clueless when it comes to combating piracy. There have been some steps in the right direction. Hulu looks like it might actually end up with some limited appeal, and CBS and ABC are heading in the right direction with their respective online offerings (HD shut down aside). However big TV still really doesn’t get it: BitTorrent continues to thrive like it never has before, dishing up the latest and greatest of American television to an ever increasing audience. Here’s a few tips the American television networks need to absorb

1: It’s all about choice

NBC and Fox, Hulu may have opened with reasonable reviews but it’s still a train wreck when it comes to combating piracy. Where do we start? No downloads for one. People want to take their media with them, and be able to play it on devices such as the iPod. Apple may not have been paying you what you wanted NBC, but its a lot more than the hundreds of thousands, perhaps even millions of folks downloading your shows off BitTorrent are paying you, some of who were previously paying iTunes customers. Big TV needs to provide their shows in a variety of formats to suit as many people as possible..which really isn’t that hard.

2. Imposed geographic restrictions no longer work

If Hulu is in part about combating privacy by providing a legal, ad supported alternative, why does it block anyone from outside of the United States (and possibly Canada) from playing the content? It’s all about international distribution deals, the crappy deals that mean that viewers in Europe and Australasia can sometimes wait 2-3 years to view content broadcast in the United States. This delay is the reason 59% of the French watch television on their computers. You want to dramatically reduce piracy? Then open up your content to the world. The international content partners will not be happy with this, but pay them a cut of the advertising, in the same way Fox is already doing with affiliate stations within the United States. Like NBC and iTunes, the opportunity cost of not providing this service is zero revenue in an international context with direct views, and declining revenue over the longer term as non-American audiences watch less and less American television via FTA or cable. Take what you can and provide a legal alternative to your international viewers. People are willing to deal with advertising for a legal alternative when the legal alternative is available and it is easy to access..particularly when it’s easier than illegal alternatives.

3. Always On, Always Available

New episodes on Hulu will be available to view for 5 weeks, and not a day more. WTF? What if a consumer hears positive word of mouth 6 weeks after a series has started and wants to watch from the beginning. In NBC’s case no iTunes, no Hulu but yes, it will be on BitTorrent. Memo to big TV: let your consumers decide how long TV shows should be available as opposed to imposing arbitrary restrictions. You’re selling advertising based on views, what difference does it make if the show is available for 6 months instead of 6 weeks, aside from your DVD DRM infested show season sales…which is really what this is about.

4. Stop treating your audience as if it were stupid

Your audience is increasingly turning to alternatives because of your restrictive practices, and because of the quality of what you are producing. What’s the latest shows in development: Law & Order Special Parking Infringement Unit and CSI: Timbuktu? People are downloading more and more international content because of the complete garbage you now make. If you seriously want to win the hearts and minds of the switched on generation, you need to follow the first three points above, then start producing some decent content as well.

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Fox Broadcasting will offer season premier television shows for free on iTunes, beginning next week.

The move is said to be part of a push by Fox to expose iPod users to the new season of shows appearing as part of the new US television ratings season.

According to the LA Times, shows to be offered for free on iTunes include Prison Break, Bones, American Dad and “K-Ville; the idea being that by offering the earlier episodes for free now, viewers will return and watch the shows on TV as they are broadcast, or pay for downloads of these show later from iTunes.

The move follows a recent announcement that ABC will begin offering ad-supported free viewing of their shows on AOL.

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