So that was day one of TechCrunch50. The best tech conference in the universe, that pays my wages.
And what did I learn today? Today I learned that the Rocky soundtrack makes any technical hitch a million times more dramatic. I learned that Yossi Vardi believes that any disaster can be solved with a show of hands or a forced round of applause. I learned that, where other entrepreneurs quote Sun Tzu, Calacanis prefers the wise words of Disney’s Ratatouille. I learned that when Arrington and Calacanis squabble, they sound like a gayer version of Statler and Waldorf.
But most importantly of all, I learned that there’s no way any of us are going to make it through a second long day without downing some serious booze. And so, with that in mind, I’m delighted to announce the rules of the TechCrunch Day Two Drinking Game.
The rules are simple – we start tomorrow at 9am (Pacific). Get up early, grab yourself a case of beer and then either sit in the room or, if you had better things to do with three grand, tune into the live stream and follow these simple instructions…
- Take a sip when…
- Someone uses the word “freemium” or describes something as a “chicken-egg problem”.
- Someone makes a borderline misogynistic remark to the only female judge: (e.g. “That fashion company really made Marissa perk up”)
- Someone claims that their aim is to change the world.
- Someone claims that their aim isn’t to change the world.
- Someone says “that’s a great question” in response to a judge, when they clearly want to say “go fuck yourself”. - Take a swig when…
- Someone actually tells a judge to go fuck themself.
- The wifi works so well that it breaks someone’s pitch.
- Yossi Vardi forces everyone to give an awkward round of applause for absolutely no reason.
- Someone makes a joke about Michael Arrington in their pitch. (And take a second swig when that joke inevitably falls flat)
- It becomes clear to everyone that the success of a particular company would result in the world becoming a terrible, terrible place. - Drain your whole drink when…
- Two founders walk on to the stage wearing identical shirts.
- Someone sings during their pitch, or a lady starts to dance.
- Jason Calacanis alludes to his personal wealth, mentions Tesla or quotes a Disney movie when giving advice to a startup.
- Someone tries to bribe the entire room with cupcakes. - Drain your drink and chug an entire fresh one when…
- Someone tries to bribe the entire room with a car.
Good luck everyone. Now, make sure you follow me on Twitter for minute-by-minute commentary of day two, and – hey – let’s try to be wasted by noon!
Sounds like people will be wasted after the first presentation
Looks like you have been doing only this all day. Good tips though. But tell me what to do, if you happen to see a new post published on TC abt TC50?
Because, TC is flooded with TC50…so, something more “useful” can be done when we see a new post!
Is the drinking related to the ZUNE-HD launch?
maybe, in desparation about apple’s lack of innovation this year. or wait, of course, they had some “innovation” in the price-tag
Something tells me that Paul Carr makes a daily habit out of fabricating excuses for drinking too much. The sun came up, polish off a gallon. I took a breath, drink a six pack. I put on my shoes, head to the bar.
Nice Day1 Summary.
Make sure to add about 100 more coffee pots for all the people who have drive home tomorrow (myself included).
LOL ! Sounds like a real party plan!
Sounds like TC50 is a joke. Just like SXSW.
hehehe..
too bad i just got my US visa , couldn’t make it to the show!
good stuff
Wow. So Paul Carr IS actually kinda funny.
Yep, that pretty much sums it up – nice job.
tc50 != defcon. Don’t pose only lamers do that.
-fluffy
why don’t you STFU and go deface some poorly protected website to boost your ego?
how dare u call anyone a lamer, heh? being a website defacing moron isn’t an achievement at all… at least entrepreneurs (try to) create value, what useful did you do fluffy?
I was expecting something greater from you after Day 1
First day TC50 is flop! Not seen any interesting startup till now!
I hope tomorrow things will change and we see interesting products.
Congrats on your first good post on TC, PC.
+1
KISS. Keep it Short and Sweet, Paul. First post I liked.
Google flip was awesome!!
Good post…really unsure about this Drinking Game and plan to get wasted by noon…
Oh, you’re right about that “borderline misogynistic” remark…unwarranted
Let’s leave misogynistic remarks to the petty and ineffectual minded tribe…
I’ll have a cupcake, thanks…
Thank god you gave us some way to tolerate the steaming piles of drivel that come out of the current tech conferences like TC50. You are a pleasure to behold as a new writer for TC Paul!
I wonder how long this post will stay up? (Unedited?) I’ve printed a copy for my TechCrunch archives!
I want to hear about the products that are coming out of TC50 and not about little squabbles between Arrington and others.
It’s your (TC) job to bring the real news and and to filter the rubbish out.
This post is just here to bulk out TC and doesn’t add much value, with Paul Carr’s addition TC has become less focused and less valuable.
I’m visitng TC less often, maybe others will do the same,
You really are a dull and preachy little prig. I think I speak for us all when I say thank you for visiting tc less often.
+1 I like it.
Insulting your readers is just childish and petty, Paul. And it doesn’t make TC look good. If you’re the professional you like to think you are, then you have to accept not everyone will like your work. Expecting only positive comments is unrealistic.
Yes, but he’s right saying that there are a lot of posts on Techcrunch, so you’re a dull if you read fully and comment the ONLY post which doesn’t interest you.
Lighten up Lamia…. I think it’s funny to have a bit of sense of humor. The entire TC event was about ideas trying to become businesses. But you know what? 100% business can be boring sometimes and I think Paul’s lighthearted comments give the event and the content surrounding the event some spice that’s worth reading.
How many times are you going to volunteer to read Whuffie’s business plan ? I’d rather read the rules of a drinking game than that!
Laughed out loud (no, seriously) a few times reading this. I think the conference is great, even if the preso’s/products lack much “wow”. Still a great event and loaded with drinking opportunities as outlined above.
I think you may have steered people clear of the same mistakes tomorrow, which will give us a whole new batch of things to chuckle about.
Great job by the presenters and judges, hoping for more innovation tomorrow.
Sounds like I have a new game to play this weekend lol.
Nice photo. Love that photo of Homer in his underwear. haha
yab.. nice
I gues it’s like Paul is looking like now ;]
newsflash… stereotyping people of a particular sexual orientation is not any more acceptable than stereotyping people of a particular race, gender, etc. I know the word doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as easily as “gay” or ‘fag,’ but I believe the word you were looking for here was effeminate.
“I learned that when Arrington and Calacanis squabble, they sound like a gayer version of Starler and Waldorf.”
FYI per wikipedia it’s Statler, not Starler…
http://en.wikip...ler_and_Waldorf
(see what I did there… I cited a source… All professional and such… ;- )
See also:
http://en.wikip...wiki/Stereotype
http://en.wikip.../wiki/Prejudice
What about Miss Piggy then? Do you think Arrington and Calacanis are gayer than her?
No, the word I was looking for was ‘gay’. As in, they appeared to be acting like they were flirting with each other, despite being of the same gender. There was nothing effeminate about it.
Pretty sure by assuming that’s what I meant, it’s you who is playing to the stereotype. Nice work.
It’s not gays I’m stereotyping, it’s people who use the word gay in a derogatory sense, which your article does do. You are calling someone ‘gay’ to poke fun at them. That’s utilizing “gay” in a derogatory context. I suppose maybe you could split hairs and say ‘in some circumstances it might not be,’ but certainly, in the above context, it seems to me to be a derogatory usage of the word, and that’s how I took it, and that’s how I expect 95% of readers to take it. I apologize for attempting to extrapolate the exact negative sense you (or the context, as the case may be) were attempting to attribute to the word and in the process unjustly stereotyping your expressed bigotry, however unintentional your expression of bigotry may have been.
Just because you personally harbor no stereotype and prejudice vis-a-vis gays doesn’t, at least in my opinion, give you free reign to utilize phraseology which can reasonably be interpreted by the reader as an expression of bigotry and/or which trivializes and makes a punchline out of a category of people.
I think there’s a natural tendency for all of us as writers to reach for the symbolism which has the most meaning for the widest possible audience, hence the Homer Simpson icon and the gay joke. Unfortunately, universally recognized cultural reference points are to the reader’s pallet a lot like high fructose corn syrup and highly concentrated synthetic super flavors in that these perpetuate a lazy and unhealthy and ultimately bland and boring existence.
You expect “95% of of readers” to think like you? What are you a bigot?
thought police, probably.
- Someone claims that their aim is to change the world.
- Someone claims that their aim isn’t to change the world.
really?? i’m junior member guys…
Mr Paul Carr, you sir are very funny. As I was watching I had all those thoughts. Also, why was Calacanis wearing a cheap, ill fitting t-shirt? I did feel sorry for the kid who came across like one of the bad auditions on Americas Got Talent. It did seem like he was put in for the laughs as appose to having some product really worthy of inclusion. Paul Graham was panellist of the day.
Overall a great day, although I don’t think the companies so far are as good as last year. Hopefully day 2 will hold some gems.
i thought we fired this guy today mike? wtf?
Oh, snap!
So that was the most interesting news from TC50.
Go have a drink!
I’ve worked with people who present that kind of stuff ! I’ll be on the stream watching with a case of Guinness!
funny and realistic
Prost! Cheers
you’re gonna need a bigger beer
what about just some clean humorous post with no swearing it. please.
sorry, Paul Carr only works blue.
I’m here all week. Tip your waitress.
How about your posts carry one of those
…”Article may contain content of an explicit and dangerous nature, if you are an easily offended “dull and preachy little prig” we would thank you for visiting tc less often” …
kind of messages with tick box to say you haven’t had your sense of humour removed.
how ’bout you just don’t read it ?
A swig for:
Each pseudo start up on stage (lets say more than 2M in funding or more than 2M in revenues)
Each company already backed by a TC sponsor prior to applying
Each time you say why do these guys need TC50 other than they have good relationships with TC
Who needs rules for a drinking game??? From my last job, I learned that all you’ve to do is introduce some Jägermeister and all hell breakes loose
get some and see for yourself… I must warn you though Paul, TC50 will never be the same after that
Wow , interesting jibber jabber. The smack talking has begun.
“Jason Calacanis alludes to his personal wealth, mentions Tesla or quotes a Disney movie when giving advice to a startup.”
haha
Hahah, sadly this post is the most insightful and compelling thing ive seen come out of the confrence yet..
Thank god I work from *hic* home.
Kept waiting for Calacanis to start shouting “Everybody gets a car! Everybody gets a car!” …
How about drinking from the WooMe keg until we got busted for serving without a license? http://twitpic.com/hv9mm