Well, the internet officially has a social network for everything. Today sees the launch of Never Nude Land, a social network for users who prefer to keep their dark nether regions housed in the comfort of clothing – at all times. It’s exactly what it sounds like: the site caters to a collection of individuals that consider portions of their clothing to be an integral part of their nude physique, and are generally unwilling to take it off, even when they prepare to make love on their spouses.
While most people have never heard of it, according to the site Nevernudism is a fairly common condition affecting dozens of people worldwide (the actual number is far higher, as the vast majority of Never-Nudes do not reveal themselves to their peers). Unfortunately, despite its high frequency, there are many social stigmas associated with the condition. Never-Nudes are commonly mocked for their affinity to jean cutoffs, which others often interpret as an attempt to hide a lack of genitalular fortitude.
The social network was founded by outspoken Never-Nude Zach Braff, who says he started the site as a way to meet girls who could understand his condition (I suspect he also has quite a bit of free time now that Scrubs is nearly over). Braff says he relied largely on outsourced developers to build the site, who appear to have simply cloned innovative German social network StudiVZ.
But what NeverNudeLand lacks in originally, it makes up for with its tight-knit community. Members can be found helping each other with common Never-Nude issues on a forum frequented by Braff and other celebrity members. Popular threads include “How to bathe in the never-nude”, “Sex, Denim, and You” and a photo sharing section where members can comment on how effectively their outfits ‘hide their thunder’.
At this point the site is still fairly early in its lifespan, and I have high hopes for it despite its derivative design. Furthermore, in researching this piece I learned things about the Never-Nude community that I was not aware of, and I deeply hope that they can gain the acceptance they deserve under the guidance of Braff. The community has my full support, and I understand their plight far more than they’ll.. never know.
april fools, i hope?
uhhhh probably
At least this is better than the first attempt with General Mills purchasing a piece of Crunch.
Lolz..Who is going to use that.?
http://www.smartbloggerz.com
Wouldn’t you want to try it out?
It is for real, this is the website i found, it is up and running and has a link to twitter and place to email pictures
Bet Zach could use a good analrapist!
Ha!… I miss that show.
Isn’t that wonderful Mrs Featherbottom a member?
ha ha ha ha ha !!! Thats great !!!
Tobias!
You should check out “Better Off Ted”!!
Quirky and Portia de Rossi also stars in it! Definitely has an Arrested Development vibe to it.
WTF!! LOL!
What a dumb website. Does there really need to be a social network for every little thing? Communities need to be serious places to connect, not places like this.
hah.
I bet every commenter visibly fooled today feeds some kind of competition in the TC virtual office.
What I love is that the screenshot is just facebook with the header colored orange
Awesome Place! for some people I guess, but if Funke is a member, I guess I’ll have to be too!
Make love ON their spouses? I think I just blue myself.
Engrish much?
Also notice “Give Tobias a banger in the mouth” just under his profile picture.
I miss Arrested Development. SO MUCH
we all do.
Ditto
Why can’t I sign in with my facebook account on this Crunch property, too?
And, in response to the above post: Ditto.
No touching!
whoops
I’ve been banned from that site. I’m not ever non-nude.
Go figure that one out, grammar trolls!
I actually fell for this originally.
I’ve been had!
my wife gets mad when i leave my socks on
yeah, she gets mad at me too for that…
NICE!
^^ april fools
Illusions Michael – a trick is what a whore does for money!
or candy
omg… u almost had me.
I would cry if Zach Braff would do something like that. 
Took me about 1/3 through reading the article before I said… wait a minute!
. Right around when ‘Zach Braff’ was listed as the owner. 
Otherwise, it sounds completely plausible.
Come back AD!
thanks for bringing some originality to the april fools’ day shenaniganery. “genitalular fortitude” is certainly the phrase of the day.
“love on their spouses…” You mean love to their spouses?
“While most people have never heard of it, according to the site Nevernudism is a fairly common condition affecting dozens of people worldwide…” Fairly common and effecting dozens world wide? Whats going on here. Even a hundred dozen world wide is not “fairly common”.
Oh Jason, you blow hard!
Just added myself to the http://wefollow.com twitter directory under: #analrapist #queenmary #actor
~http://twitter.com/drtobiasfunke
Ok, I wont lie…you had me right up until the very end.
test
hahah that is so funny. I remember David Cross from Arrested Development and his never nude cutoffs. (RIP)
Definitely April fools joke of the year. Packed with great references. Well played, TechCrunch.
Oh hell. I’m not even going to read anything more on the internet today. I’m too damn gullible.
Good one.
“Tobias, you blow hard” – after listening to himself on the recorder.
priceless. one of the best ones today. good job, techcrunch.
Loved it, does it have a Mullet sort? {seesmic_video:{”url_thumbnail”:{”value”:”http://t.seesmic.com/thumbnail/8Lr9VyKHD0_th1.jpg”}”title”:{”value”:”Loved it, does it have a Mullet sort? ”}”videoUri”:{”value”:”http://www.seesmic.com/video/8RTtoXYePr”}}}
Yep, you got me. As I read the article my eyebrows were furrowing deeper and deeper, and my sense of indignation that such an utterly bizarre idea could get to techcrunch and be…. oh wait… [grin]
nice one
I don’t even know what to say… speechless.
BEST SHOW EVER
Finally I can pull out my cut-offs and wear them again…Mr Braff is not only a ‘never nude’ but obviously a trend fashion setter.