This is a guest post written by Carol Kravitz, a former fashion executive and the founder and CEO of Kravitz & Associates, an upscale and exclusive matchmaking service. Kravitz is working on a personal project with Michael Arrington and is enlisting TechCrunch readers for their help:
Finding that special someone is serious business (I know, I make a great living by finding lost souls and matching them with that special someone). But I’m not here to pitch my business today – we only take private referrals and frankly if it wasn’t for this terrific opportunity to help out TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington, I wouldn’t have agreed to expose my business to this much publicity. But the sheer volume of TechCrunch readers out there means there is a stastically relevant chance that one of you will know someone who might be willing to help.
To be blunt, we’re looking for your help in finding a wife, or at least a serious girlfriend, for Michael. Or even just a dinner date.
Michael hasn’t had a long term girlfriend in years. About six months after he started TechCrunch in 2005 his then serious girlfriend of four years dumped him hard. Apparently blogging for 20 hours a day doesn’t allow for much personal interaction with a significant other. Even today, a restraining order prohibits Michael from visiting parts of Los Angeles.
At this point, things are getting desperate. He just turned 39 years old. He dates little, preferring to stay at home with his dog Laguna playing video games. When he isn’t working, that is.
I understand I don’t have much to work with here. A sedentary 39 year old single man who made questionable career choices and now blogs for a living just doesn’t look good on paper. Nor is it good for the body. On a recent vacation, Michael said he “went for a jog on the beach” and “thought he was having a heart attack within 50 yards.” As far as I can tell his diet consists almost entirely of burritos from Chipotle.
But we’re working on getting him into fighting shape. He’s joined a gym, which was a huge step, although he has yet to go (I get reports from the yet-unused personal trainer we hired, with his permission). He’s on a strict diet. We’re sure to get him in shape soon.
Here’s where you come in. Know someone who’d be interested in a date with Michael? We want to hear from you. Want to date him yourself? Excellent. We’ve got a form for you to fill out, feel free to add your own information or that of someone you know. TechCrunch has millions of monthly readers. Most are bald, middle aged tech geek guys that aren’t a good match. But we’re hoping that at least a few of you have a single sister, or friend. And here’s a special incentive to help out: If you help Michael find “the one,” we guarantee to profile your startup here on TechCrunch.
Looks aren’t nearly as important as who you are, and the form reflects that. Upload a minimum of five pictures and take some time to describe yourself, your hopes, your dreams, and what you’re looking for in a relationship, in 30 characters or less.
We’ll choose the top 25 or so entrants and Michael will have a dinner date with each one of you. Each date will be video streamed live, thanks to our premium sponsor Ustream. Thanks as well to our other sponsors below, who’ll be paying my fee, the finders fee, for the dates and, if all goes well, the wedding. Please note that you’ll be required to wear a hat or a tshirt, at your choice, clearly showing one of the sponsor logos during the date.
Premium Sponsor:
Thank You To the Our Other “Find Mike A Wife” Sponsors:
Happy April Fools!
I guess everyone needs to push their April Fools jokes ahead to March 31st if there is any hope of someone believing them.
Didn’t TechCrunch just bemoan TheFunded.com for posting April Fools Day jokes early?
it’s already the 1st for most of the world
only girls will believe this as true.
no the world usually runs according to Indian time.
The un-april fools thing it sounds true.
I like apple pie.
pretty much
almost as worst as shoemoney failed attempt
May be Anjali Spammer Sen?
Second that!
Third that.
They’d make a great couple
Here she is, in the flesh (literally):
http://www.bebo.com/AnjaliS8
Really? Is it April Fools Joke?
http://www.smartbloggerz.com
Wow now this is an april fools joke. The best part on the find a wife form: no longer do people have personality traits, we have tags.
They say love is blind…
As far as I can tell his diet consists almost entirely of burritos from Chipotle.
Try eating in the mission and stop being like Larry Parker.
Wow I honestly wasn’t sure if this was a joke or not until I saw the list of Sponsors supporting this.
Bravo!
I didn’t have realize it was a joke even after seeing the sponsors list, then I read the comments, I was kinda hoping Mike got a bunch of male applicants
as far as April fools jokes go, this was too easy!
Yawn… Nice try.
*yawn* boring weak april fool’s joke.
I think it’s a joke too, but I gotta say how bad would we feel if it wasn’t?
NOOO! Long term girlfriend? or WIFE?!!
ZOMG what’s got into Mike?
You BRAINWASHED HIM! I KNOW IT!
Or worse – you KIDNAPPED him!
Bring back the real Mike Arrington and expose this FOOL!
Carol,
Can you please report on how many women slap him or kick him in the balls when they get to know him?
Jim
LOL !! OMg thats gona be so true!
Arrington would never go out like this. Not buying.
ooooh boi. here we go all over again.
warning: whatever you have on april fools seems to come true 2 yrs later. in 2007, it was about how the economy and web2 and the world is falling apart. and well, here in 2009, look outside the window:)
On a very similar topic, your acquisition of FuckedCompany.com was better
Shouldn’t you be at your desk monitoring facebook dev forums? Get back to work
OK, i thought this was pretty funny.
Fav part: Looks aren’t nearly as important as who you are, and the form reflects that. Upload a minimum of five pictures and take some time to describe yourself, your hopes, your dreams, and what you’re looking for in a relationship, in 30 characters or less.
Dude, great minds think alike! I just posted the same thing below.
Ha ha .. nice try!
Cute
Happy Aprils fools TechCrunch team.
Hah hah hah…nice one Michael! The best lines are:
“Looks aren’t nearly as important as who you are…upload a minimum of five pictures and take some time to describe yourself…in 30 characters or less.”
Hilarious!
My favorite was the form to fill out with 6 boxes for uploading images, and a 30 character text box for telling him about yourself.
Wait! I just found out from confirmed sources, that there’s a catch here: Michael is actually smarter than you, he disguised the article to look like a prank, while it is actually genuinely written by one of michael’s closest friends. She said she chose April 1 because she thought it wouldn’t sound so gross on april fools day!!! waytogo, Carol, you ‘re doing Michael a big favor!
I think it was a good april fool. Sure it was pretty clear and transparent, but touching.
I knew this had to be a phony the minute i saw it.
Mike into Women? HA!
Mike, if you’re really looking to get into a relationship, why not try your recently debuted iPhone app Grindr?
http://www.tech...-to-the-iphone/
Is this some kind of new tech version of “Bachelor” Show? Is ABC getting involved in this? Why not Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo? Why not TRX from Fitness Anywhere? Why, Why, Why??? (follow me on twitter: @theReviewGuy
nicely done. much better than thefunded
Man, I read the entire post, thinking Arrington has hit a jackpot of a promotional idea, until, that is, when I read the first comment.
Woz is on that TV dancing show, why shouldn’t Mike have something like “iDate — The Online Celeb Dating Show” kind of thing here at TechCrunch?
Mike, you should really do it.
Mike last year you started on March 31st also. You’re breaking the rules on what’s fair game for April Fool’s Day
Yeah, he broke the embargo once again
When will you idiots realize this? It’s April 1st in other parts of the world!
I can attest to the Chipotle comment. If it’s anything like it used to be, at least every other day.
Now, I understand I am not a good match – and frankly I also don’t want to date him. But I do have a couple of tips for him (just turning 39 and joining the gym myself):
- I had much morel luck finding my dream girl in Canada during a one week vacation then in 35 years of living in Germany (He might remember er from the last TC August Capital Summer Meetup)
- There are tons of attractive and intelligent ladies here that are fed up with 6 month of deeply frozen winter. I am sure they wouldn’t mind moving to the bay area.
- I’ll invite him to a dating boot camp up here in Alberta which would involve lots of gym, less eggs and bacon hen usual and an exclusive tour to meet my wife’s hot girlfriends.
- Finally, there *is* internet here but we’ll have to negotiate with the MA dating crew if use is permitted during the boot camp.
No compensation expected
Ahhh, April 1st. The only day of the year when jumping sharks is cool.
win/win. it uses the cover of an april fools joke, but he’s still gonna get applicants.
Odd’s that Micheal secretly hopes to get a date out of this April 1 joke?
Disturbingly hilarious and desperate at the same time.
I like how the dating form has like 10 corporate sponsors … good stuff. Apparently Mike needs an army of supporters to find a girl
How about you, Carol? Problem solved.
1: Dogs are better than people.
2. Arrington tears up the trade event women
3. HE is a cad.
4. He is OCD.
5. He should marry Sarah Lacey. THey deserve each other.
Like last time, you made it way too obvious at the very end.
Answer some of those Russian Bride emails mike! Your bound to find a taker!
Take My Wife, Please!!
What’s sadder? Publishing an April Fool’s post a day early or posting one that’s not funny?
Too close to call, especially when both apply to this post. C’mon…
Too funny.
My favorite is the numbers of sponsors to pay your fee. Good thing Charles River just closed another $300M+ fund.
I fell for it!!! I was like…coool, I want to watch!
Actually, kinda a cool idea….!?!
haha, funny one Mike!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“…describe yourself, your hopes, your dreams, and what you’re looking for in a relationship, in 30 characters or less.”
C’mon, this is techcrunch. 140 characters!
Get Michael to join Club Intimate (www.clubintimate.com), he will have a better chance meeting a girl friend there
Fail.
Michael is using April Fools Day to speak his mind.
Guys, PLEASE HELP MICHAEL TO FIND A WOMAN!!!
@Michael, I could hook you up with an intelligent and beautiful Nigerian
. You have my email, give me a holla.
PS: Maybe ‘Anjali, From India.’ Wouldn’t be a bad idea
hahahaha. too little too late. he had already been dating Anjali for 6 months !!! she broke it off with him.
Here she is, in the flesh (literally)
http://www.bebo.com/AnjaliS8
yup
I think you’ll like this one, Mike. Made for each other! http://tinyurl.com/yrsc5p
Maybe he should stop being a fat bastard.
He has Laguna… no human female can best that…
You could’ve made this post a little more convincing by dropping the list of sponsors. My belief in the story dropped linearly through the article and exponentially when I saw the list of sponsors.
The trick is in not overdoing it when you are making up a story.
Why you gotta drag Chipotle burritos into this? Not to mention… I’ve seen some really cute girls working at my local Chipotle. I think Mike should stick with the original plan. Eat MORE burritos! Huzzah!
Respect the BLOG. STUPID!!!!
My mom is single Mike, I can hook you up.
I got all the way to the sponsor before I realized the joke. Way to be the first person to get me with an April Fool’s, for the second year in a row.
Sad thing is that it’s not really a joke. Just a shameless cover for one.