Martin Luther must be turning in his grave. He was able to fight the Roman Catholic Church over indulgences and managed to avoid being burned at the stake. But Luther didn’t face an even greater enemy: the Internet.
Enter Information Age Prayer, a new web service that lets you pay for computer prayers. The company uses “the latest technology in text-to-speech synthesizers” to read aloud your typed prayers “at a volume and speed equivalent to typical person praying.”
In other words, forget praying. Just pay them to do it.
IAP isn’t just for the Jesus followers out there, either. In addition to serving Protestants and Catholics, prayers for Jews, Muslims, “unaffiliated” and “other” are also available. There’s a special on Hail Mary prayers, just $0.07 each. There’s also a handy prayer for financial help (see image below).
The end, finally, is nigh. As I suspected, it was the Internet that did it.
I can’t believe you are actually linking to this bullshit, anyone who actually buys this is a total moron.
this is solid gold stuff.
You know your audience better than any of us. If this is ’solid gold’ you just revealed a lot about your audience, and none of it is good.
What it reveals about you is nothing new to any of us.
As long as we read, right…
miked, take a break.
I agree with Vlad… Give it a rest Miked.
miked, I’m gonna pay for a prayer for your insecure soul…
If people have money to spare on prayers and the slimy urge to skip prayer for payment, they have too much money or too little scruples.
That means they could have too much dirty money and not so many recession problems.
So, what you can do is to get people to pray there, Holy Ghost and the works, and use that money to fund real charities. And publish the link.
The big condition is that you have to make sure you don’t slip down the dark path of thievery and deceit. This being next to impossible for an ordinary pleasure-seeking human being, such a scheme will not work straight.
Now suppose it does work (like it would work if you got a slim fair babe in a lonely jungle to say “I give myself to you for your total pleasure” and you still don’t touch her)
THEN this is really useful solid gold.
Otherwise, Jesus Ponzi Christ, again!
From a Mayo Clinic study:where prayer for cardiac patients was evaluated:
In the 2 groups uncertain about receiving intercessory prayer, complications occurred in 52% (315/604) of patients who received intercessory prayer versus 51% (304/597) of those who did not (relative risk 1.02, 95% CI 0.92-1.15). Complications occurred in 59% (352/601) of patients certain of receiving intercessory prayer compared with the 52% (315/604) of those uncertain of receiving intercessory prayer (relative risk 1.14, 95% CI 1.02-1.28). Major events and 30-day mortality were similar across the 3 groups.
Conclusions
Intercessory prayer itself had no effect on complication-free recovery from CABG, but certainty of receiving intercessory prayer was associated with a higher incidence of complications.
I am with Mike on this. Combine the hilarity of religon with the endless desire of people to con idiots on the internet.
As Mike said, pure gold, I would invest in this.
Yeah, just look at the King of Con Barack Obama, people are eating his religion up like hot cakes.Shame.
Not to turn this post into a political debate, but The king of con? The dudes done more in 8 weeks then W. did in 8 years… i’ll take some of that snake oil any day.
What the hell are you talking about?
No the real king of con is your beloved W who conned americans with fear, ignorance and hate. Not to mention starting a war in Iraq based on straight lies,Dick Chaney letting energy lobbyists write legislation for themselves, the list goes on and on.
The biggest con of all is the hypocritical republicans who were totally silent during the disastrous reign of Bush but claim to be fiscally responsible now.
There are a lot of things he cannot do and there are a lot of things he has done. First thing, he’s diffused the mounting global tensions about another country rich in oil being attacked – that has reduced oil prices – if this stays, things might get cheaper or at least stay the same. Reduction of cost is not con, it is hard f*cking cash saved. And with Ahmedinejad not able to raise prices by speculating war, we are actually spared a bad situation by Obama’s stand. Pizzas could cost more. GOP fans would have been talking of BushPizza while we’re saying ConKing Obama.
But it is sad to see that he cannot change the really big things soon. Maybe wethepeople can do something…
Do not pay money for absolution. If you have a problem, confess it to the Absolute Absolver on twitter.
Its the first open source tool of an open source religion, thus relief and absolution will be free. Find more on: absolver.blogspot.com or twitter.com/absolver
EK
So true Chris…
Anyway, no Hinduism in the main list..I give it a slip! :X
haha! this is awesome! i dont have to worry about my prayers anymore! i can just find the “special deals”
I am really curious as to why TC has not done an article on Yauba? This search engine seems extraordinary and cutting edge to most if not all of us who have visited.
I second this. It does not even appear on Crunchbase. I got to know of it from ‘ smartbabes’
. Guys you should really check out http://www.yauba.com
As for the prayer stuff, can I pay annually and select the prayers I want said?
Wow, I can’t believe that other ranter was right – you ARE an alternate profile for the Smart Babes spammer…
Is this a joke?
Exactly.
What kind of nut believes that Jesus is BOTH blind AND deaf?
Especially given the amount of people praying in churches in the recession?
Is this the answer that Jesus allows(TM) people to come up with?
$3.95 a month is quite affordable.
I hope my message is not interpreted as “spam.” Again, the reason I chose this particular thread to raise the issue is to query, if they have the engergy to write about stuff like this, or stuff like this: http://www.tech...itting-on-gold/ THEN what is the reason they have not expended a few words to mention yauba?
Maybe because we’ve learned already that most people aren’t concerned about the privacy of their Internet searches (is this true?), but we haven’t learned that we don’t give a screw about automated prayer services. If this is the logic, we’re in for an endless cycle of inane lessons, though, in fairness, if I ran TC I’d probably throw in goofballs like this on a regular basis.
perhaps not privacy of searches. however, yauba also allows you to visit any website without revealing your ip address. surely that has to be of value to a massive number of people. besides, i thought the feature that allows you to search webpages, pdf’s, word, or other types of documents is neat. all in all, yauba seemed an extraordinary engine in terms of speed and organization.
OK. This is one of the few times I’ll forgive you or anyone for not only being off-topic, but completely out of left field. I may never have found that without your comment- thanks! I for one think yauba is briilliant – not just the privacy features, but the way it arranges results is almost everything I’ve ever dreamed of. Awesome. Make me stop gushing, please, someone…
Just one thing…wwwwwhhhhyyy must you use Google’s sponsored results? That’s the only thing that might eventually knock the bloom off the rose…but then again, I have ABP so that should take care of that (sorry I won’t be making money for you, but oh well).
Oh and another thing , who powers yauba’s results? The answer to that question should be right on the landing page, unless you guys power your own. And why do you truncate results so severely? I woudn’t mind seeing 10 results per result-set instead of five as it is now.
I am pleasantly surprised that you took the time to look. I too was amazed when I saw the sight.
I don’t know the answer to your two questions however. I am not with yauba. I am a nigerian lawyer. I was very impressed with yauba at first because it allowed me to look up pleadings other legal documents filed in the American courts– documents that would never show up on a google or yahoo search.
I meant to say site, not sight.
“I am a Nigerian lawyer” – really? And you have no connection to yauba yet you went out of your way – twice – to plug it? Why?
Yes. I wouldn’t call it going out of my way. It was a product that I recently learned about from another TC thread. Since then, I have used it quite a bit. I just thought I would share.
Utterly ridiculous, yet genius. Anyone who falls for this crap deserves to have their money stolen.
Agreed but people pay TV preachers all the time. You don’t think some will pay for this as well? I hope to hear this one in the “deadpool” soon but it will probably do well. People already too often pay others so they can simplify religion for themself.
I was about to get my hammer and nail out until I realized this was an Internet service. This raises a moral question – is a DOS attack godly?
Seriously, this is probably mostly a novelty application, although for people who are desperately praying, they probably that one more prayer (albeit synthesized) won’t hurt…
But at least they have a revenue model…
That’s more than any newspaper in the US today.
Anyone who uses this service … doesn’t seem to understand the point of praying.
I am not even close to being religious (I think its full of shit) but even I know this doesn’t “count” towards praying.
I really hope the operators of the site aren’t religious.
Totally agree with you! They’ve astrayed from the religion and now they want other people to follow them?
You sound like full-blown pessimist. Count? Of course it counts. It is better than nothing… better than not praying at all.
Joseph
I am sorry you are not a believer, none the less you are spot on accurate.
hahaha, man, that’s one damned way of making money out of religion. I wonder how long will this last before going into the deadpool?
TechFilipino
Why would it go to Deadpool?
The cost to operate is negligible and it’s pure profit.
How many copycats will we see? I am soooo tempted to make one.
It’d only rise up again….
they should create an iPhone app – some crazy fool would pay for a prayer a day
Make it fools*
This is just so wrong. People just don’t care as long as they can make a buck no matter what.
Buddists have a long tradition of spinning prayer wheels and flying prayers on kites. there is still a contemplative component to this technolgically ennunciated prayer. To dismiss it as total BS is to dismiss prayer altogether.
If this was being marketed as an aid to (contemplative) prayer, then you would have a point.
Someone should point out that this might be a more cost-effective means:
http://www.moun...dex_contact.htm
Now everyone can afford to be saved. Can you afford not to?
This is more worthy of PT Barnum than religion.
Of course, I am not surprised someone is doing this. There is one born every minute.
Question: Do they provide a money-back guarantee?
Really funny
Pay-Per-Pray, the new business model…
lolz. this is crazy funny.
Ok, this is obviously a scam to prey (pun intended) on the vulnerable. All that it proves is that some people have absolutely no shame … but that’s hardly news.
But calling these “indulgences” isn’t even a good jab – it just illustrates a lack of meaningful knowledge in this area.
An indulgence is simply a gift of grace – both simple and beautiful, often misunderstood. For more information check out this basic explanation or this explanation of some common myths about indulgences, such as the mistakes made here.
What you describe (if it were real) would be simony, or the selling of spiritual gifts. The Catholic Church has always condemned simony, and always will.
Hilarious. If it’s legitimate to avoid working on the Sabbath by using sophisticated pre-programmed timers, then surely outsourcing the prayers should be OK with the Almighty.
I’m in for 10 prayers. God won’t know it’s a computer talking, because they said they perfected it.
Simony? http://en.wikip...org/wiki/Simony
What is the uptime guarantee? They better have some serious mission critical framework behind this service.
LOL, Pope?
Am I the only person who doesn’t have a clue WHAT the fuck everyone is talking about?
Does this mean that really it’s Al Gore praying for me?
Now that was funny.
Wow, just …wow
I mean that in a bad way.
Gee, Chris… you even spelled “wow” backwards! Definitely in need of prayer…
And I mean that in an amused way…
the funny thing is that people spend on a lot more that 3.95 a month on all kinds of garbage… yet this worst idea ever? I know fart apps and lighter apps and even the occasional gossip mag are hard enough to afford with out the added financial burden of thoughtful third party prayer leadership… there is merit to the idea.. don’t knock it.
Neither the article nor the linked webpage have anything to do with indulgences.
I think the reason Arrington throws in a piece of data like that (indulgences) is to show that he has some knowledge or understanding of religious history. Surely it’s not to ad depth to the story.
wasn’t expecting to see this article here
Where the f’k is pryrloc8r when yo uneed them???
Prayerlocator? lol!!!
+1
man, these people at IAP are so going to hell
this is ridiculous. and deceiving.
This is really crazy! pay some one to say your prayers?? How exactly does this work?!!! Well…I think it’s crazy!
I wonder what software they’re using for their text-to-audio… I was looking into something like that for a book I didn’t want to read one time and settled on Natural Readers (it’s not the greatest, but it gets the job done).
I mention this because I am now in need of a replacement now that I’m using a different computer.
So you’re saying that people are so lazy they can’t even think of a prayer by themselves? I think that’s absolutely ridiculous. The creators however knew exactly who to prey on- the dumb and helpless.
Indulgences already made a comeback last month in New York: http://www.nyti...indulgence.html
Said article mentions that indulgences are a way of escaping the painful act of confession. So if you have robbed someone or used violence, torture or committed crimes like rape or murder (soldiers returning from war?) you would not want to own up in an age when the NSA wiretaps every phone call. You have been told on TV that sex is good for health. And you just want into that cute chick you meet in college. Then you and the chick can’t own up in Church because it is shameful. So you escape by way of “indulgence”. Do they sell them? Hell no! that is against Christianity! But if you donate to the church and it’s charities, if you give of yourself to those who support the church (GOP) and if you be a good person then you don’t need to tell the priest that you screwed the chick before going to Iraq, and that you murdered a few filthy Muslim kids and you contracted syphilis when you explored the local warez in the hot sweaty markets down there. When you come back after serving God and Country, you have a heap of sin on you that you clean by donating and getting indulgences – the indulgences are “affiliated” to the charities. So you’ve now cleaned yourself of the sin by clawing your way back into civil society by being meritorious enough to earn an indulgence. There’s more than three places they made money off you – when selling the gifts/perfumes you used to seduce him/her, when going to war and using the guns that they sell, when screwing to get infected in Iraq, so that you become a permanent visitor at healthcare facilities, and finally by donating for indulgences.
What a comprehensive loot !
If it weren’t for the name of Jesus, this thing would be obvious as being much worse than a drug cartel at its worst. Yet it is the church. This was why indulgences were removed by the whole of the rebellious Protestant movement and yet, that is exactly what has come back in the Information Age Prayer. Does history repeat itself! And how!
Nice post! Check out my site too at http://macmaniapodcast.com.
for god’s sake do not post spam comments like these.by the way there are so many other ways to increase the hits for your website.
Okay ??
What a load of rubbish.
Prayers are personal and are heard by God and answered when they come from the heart
AND ONLY WHEN THEY COME FROM THE HEART.rELIGION IS A CONSCIENCE THING
Agreed. But we do live in a secular world.
This Post and the comments really saved my day! Almost best ever…
I’m pretty sure Margaret Atwood saw this coming in her 1986 dystopian novel “The Handmaid’s Tale”:
“Once the prayers have been printed out and said, the paper rolls back through another slot and is recycled into fresh paper again. There are no people inside the building; the machines run by themselves.”
what is this religion 2.0 ?
Give me a break…
also check this bullshit
http://www.pray...index/index.php
Thank you TechCrunch for reporting this. This is the kind of pious tools and resources that readers need to know about and use more of; not European fridge commercials with soft rounded boobs and long smooth legs.
Hey Mohammed,
Are you serious about the comment you made? or it was a satire ?
Please also tell me what’s wrong with the fridge commercials.
Pinastro
Why the hell didn’t I think of this first?
This is a complete bastardization of religion; on the other hand, if people are ready to pay for it, so be it!!
We seem to be living in a very unusual age: everything will soon be commercialized.
I look forward to a site run by ex-wives of former Wall Street CEOs offering themselves for marriage
Cheers,
MM
Former version has been a top seller for authorized resellers for hundreds /almost 2000 years all around the (old) world. So there must be something about it….
They neglected to put Voodoo on the menu. If they did, I am willing to bet that this particular “religion” would generate more revenues that Christianity, Muslim, & Judaism combined.
Ha ha ha, this is hilarious. As crazy as it seems, it will be a popular service among lots of people. I hear lots of people are beginning to love it already. So, those who think this won’t sell are kidding. It will… big time!
Religious faith, like almost anything else, can be esed by the prideful or greedy (or murderous) for their own purposes… that doesn’t make religious faith less valuable, but simply misused.
The Inquisition is a prime example of ‘Christian faith’ being used in a manner that violated its own basic tenets to forward the ends of the greedy and sadistic (see St. Matt. 22:39). 9/11 is an example of Islam being used in a manner that violated its own basic tenets by the prideful and psychotic for their own ends (see Q’uran 5:32). The attacks on Palestinians by Jewish ’settlers’ taking their lands is a current misuse of the settlers’ own Jewish faith, violating the teachings of the Torah (see Lev. 19:33-34).
The new website, “Information Age Prayer” is truly remarkable– it manages, in the name of religion and for the sake of greed, to violate the tenets of at least three major Faiths (probably more, but I can’t quote from Buddhist or Shinto scriptures). At the very least, it constitutes ‘false witness’ and probably theft (see Exodus 20:15-16, Q’uran 24:7 & 5:38-39, St. Luke 18:20).
And… it takes it as a given that God, who is surely busy enough listening to the prayers of the faithful, is also going to take the timeto read their e-mail!
PS: Regarding PTOADSTOOL’s comment on the Mayo study– two points: first, it was one of many such, and others have shown different results, and second, the believers who knew they were being prayed for weren’t expecting to be “cured”, but healed… and knowing that they were being prayed for may well have made them much less worried about things such as post-op infections. True faith prays for true healing of spirit and mind as well as body, and recognizes that ‘life’ isn’t limited this world (the difference between chonos and Chiros). I know what I’m talking about: I write this as a 54 year old Anglican priest forced to retire in my 40s with a disabling spine disease and chronic pain syndrome, who is nonetheless healed by God’s grace, although I have no expectation of being “cured”.