With so many acne treatment products out there I didn’t know which ones to use until I found Clearpores… …

Thanks for all the exceptionally creative stuff, everyone.

me: Grandma I won a new Ooma!

gma: what are you calling me? i’m ‘Grandma’, what’s a ‘ooooma’?

me: no it’s a phone that works of the internet and it’s free.

gma: free? nothing’s free? you know i don’t understand any of that computer stuff. in my day, things were so much simpler. If you wanted to talk you just walked next door to your neighbor.

me: (mind starts to zone — i’ve think i know where this conversation is going… ‘back in the day, we walked to school up hill…both ways’.)

Camera shifts to the 70s show stoner circle
Ashton: Dude, your grandma walked to school! Up Hill! damn.
me: yeah, that must have been tiring.

shoked back into the present, with some yelling out of the phone:
gma: You there? That internet thing doesn’t work. I can’t hear a thing! You there? I’m old, but i can still hear!

http://youtube....h?v=r-VOoaWg0Fo

First off, I think it’s cool that Ashton Kutcher is the creative director of this new company. This isn’t his first time to dabble with entrepreneurship, though. Who can forget his turn as an entrepreneur in A Lot Like Love? I watch that less for Ashton than for Amanda Peet. What do I like to watch Ashton Kutcher in? Red carpet footage of him and his family. It just seems hilarious to see him out there with all those children in tow. Honestly, I think that’s definitely funnier than any episode from the third season of That 70’s Show. Perhaps that’s a bit cruel, but is it any more cruel than making Justin Timberlake call his mom, believing his house was being taken?

Once I have an Ooma in my possession, I will offer my phone number to Ashton Kutcher so that he can call me to take exception to anything I’ve written here.

In all seriousness though, I will be on a job that will require me to work around the country over the next two years. I will be staying at people’s places while I do my work, so I will have home broad-band access. It’ll be nice to be able to stay in touch with family and friends for free while on the road. The whole waiting until 9pm to use my Cell phone is not gonna be good at helping me combat the loneliness.

Cheers!

Michel

Do-ba-dee-doo!

His wife and two sons were barely breathing when I arrived at the scene, which I cleared to begin giving CPR. I looked down at my cell phone, which was taking a long time to dial 911, and realized that the battery was dead. I turned toward the haggard man, and he had a painful look of desperation crossed with determination on his face and a gun in his hand. He fired two shots into his wife’s chest, then one into the head of each of his sons. While he was murdering his second son, I kicked him between the legs from behind, and then ran back toward my house.

Once inside, I grabbed a knife and my Skype phone and started dialing while hiding and watching for the haggard man. 911 just kept ringing, so I looked down at the phone, trying desperately to remember my neighbor’s phone number. Suddenly, the haggard man smashed through a window and ran toward me with a mad look on his face. He took control of me using a little bit of violence and a lot of mind power. Soon I was bound from head to toe and he was forcing me to give him my girlfriend’s phone number or he would cut off my testicles. I spat the numbers out as he dialed them on the Skype phone, and soon my girlfriend was on the line.

“Honey?” she asked.

“Come to his house within ten minutes or I’ll cut off his testicles,” said the haggard man.

“What? I can’t hear you?”

The call ended prematurely and the rest of the details are far too painful to relate at the moment. If you would like, Mr. Michael Arrington, I will relate the details to you over my new Ooma phone. Maybe an Ooma will even make the pain start to go away. If not, at least next time I will be able to call for help.

We don’t do business plans, or meetings or software builds or memos and we certainly don’t do all-nighters. We don’t have to do any of that – we’ve got Ashton. Here’s a picture of our Ashton company shrine and mojo along with some of our New York team. Need some tough code done? Throw another bottle of your best scotch on the altar, light that candle and burn a little incense. Need some good karma for your meeting with that heavyweight VC? Go ahead, show some respect and share some Jim Beam with a lei of fresh flowers. Girlfriend or boyfriend dump you? Just bring it to Ashton, he’s always there for us. THANKS ASHTON, WE KNOW YOU GOT OUR BACK MAN. AND NOW WE’VE GOT YOURS. We just heaped all of our phones and gadgets on the altar and we’re sending you a clear and analog-free signal of love, peace and whoop-ass. Send those POTS companies to a deep, dark stinky place with no reception. At least until they play nice and learn that customer service is not spelled “t-o-u-g-h-s-h-i-t.”

Now Ashton is here to help save all of your asses. We don’t want an Ooma. We DESIRE it. We NEED it. We COVET the deep mystery of that sleek box and all the freedom and salvation it represents. And not just because we appreciate emerging technologies and cool stuff. No. It’s because we HATE the way POTS (plain old telephone service) companies relate to customers the way dogs relate to fire hydrants. And we believe Andrew Frame and Tom, Toby, Dennis, Sarah, Tish and Ashton are true HEROES, freedom fighters on the front lines of customer service and digital technology, bringing DIGNITY to masses of downtrodden customers, who’ve been beaten over the head with a heavy receiver to the point of asking: “Please sir, may I have another?” No thank you POTS customer service, not for us, not anymore now that we have Ooma.

We’re cut from the same cloth as Team Ooma, having successfully filed a Public Services Commission (State body to oversee monopoly service providers) complaint against one of the largest POTS companies for crossing one of our phone lines for 1 ½ years and failing to fix it after 57 calls to management (they received a $50,000 fine); we also stopped another notorious POTS company from slamming retired folks at my grandparents’ development in Florida. You don’t mess with Grandpa and Grandma. Everyone knows that.

And last, but certainly not least, here at GlobalTech we’re building tools and services to make sure that a lot more great innovations get to market more quickly and efficiently and benefit a whole lot more good folks on this little planet of ours, whether digital technologies or medical cures, therapies and vaccines. Hey, did you know that Ashton studied biochemical engineering at the University of Iowa? And y’all though he was a tech lightweight. Shame on you for doubting The Kutchster.

Our best wishes to Team Ooma from Team GlobalTech. You rock!

Live free with Ooma or die trying to get one!

- Etan, Andrea, Matt, Steve, Stephanie, James, Karthik, Han, Zach, Nate, Allyson, Zach, Felix, Hui and Elaine

Our Ashton shrine and mojo:

http://recruiti...shtonShrine.JPG

http://recruiti...ewithNYTeam.JPG

http://recruiti...withNYTeam2.JPG

PS Hey Andrew and Ashton, do you think you could find a few minutes to speak with our summer interns for our weekly Guest Speaker Program? They’d love to hear from you.

So Leo goes on to show me the names of the people on the management team of Ooma. After each name he asked me if I recognized any of the names. I kept saying no and in my mind I was thinking one geek in the house is more than enough. Well, until I saw the last name on the list – Ashton Kutcher? Well, well, well. Of course I knew him. Who doesn’t know Ashton Kutcher?

So again this morning when I woke up, Leo brings up Ooma again. A contest! A free Ooma for Ashton Kutcher lovers. Being the celebrity news follower in the house, Leo asks me to think of something creative to win the Ooma. But why would I want to write about Ashton when his story is written and splashed across every single tabloid. He’s probably had enough of seeing and reading about himself to care. Furthermore, aside from all the gossip how am I supposed to write anything creative about him?

So this story is about two people I know best. Leo and myself. If we do win the Ooma which I hope we will Ooma will be ours at such a great time in or life. We’re finally planning our wedding – finally because we’ve only been dating for six years and it hasn’t exactly been a fairy tale relationship. We’re in an interracial relationship and so there have always been cultural issues, family issues and other issues that keep creeping up. Many prayers, tears and fights later, both sides of our family finally agreed and now we’re actually planning the wedding. Imagine that. Alas, wedding planning is expensive. If we had the Ooma however, the free phone calls anywhere in the US would greatly help as we call reception halls, florists, caterers, photographers, videographers, guests … and try as we might, we’d really rather not keep paying Cingular, or is it AT&T more over usage charges.

What would be a better gift than Ooma to give my soon-to-be husband? As a geek lover, please, please, please pick us as one of your lucky recipients of the Ooma. In the mean time, a friendly hello to Ashton Kutcher and the rest of the management team.

Thank you

Lil

I need to make some calls. Get me away from Vonage–I get way too much dead silence. I would love to be part of what you have going on.

Ooma, Loma Dompety Doo, I want an Ooma, how about you?

Not good enough?

How about because I’m poor and desperate, but I have the coolest t-shirt ever and I’ll send Ashton one if I win?

Ooma would approve. Won’t you?