My remaining matches on OKCupid either have kids (which I’m just not cut out for), are not easy on the eyes (that’s politely understated), or are well… odd (literally dress up like Pandas and hang out in trees [I'm not making that up]). What does that say about me? Honestly, I think it says very little about me personally, and much more about the lack of volume of quality people there. Mileage varies, but it turned useless for me after the first week or so.

I paid to use Yahoo Personals a while back, and that’s not a mistake I’ll be making again. A majority of the ads which were “real” never seemed to log on to check messages, etc. It was absolutely non-productive and pointless. My former boss met his wife through Yahoo personals though, and they’re still together (~ 5 years later) and seem to be doing well.

My experience with Craigslist yielded mixed results, I met some nice people (and one wacko) but nobody that “sparked.” The deal-breaker is usually the picture exchange. I had numerous women not write me back afterwards (I don’t have a third arm growing out of my forehead, nor am I __insert_random_beefcake_guy_name_here__), even after a nice, lengthy e-mail exchange. Respect or interest in at least being polite or cordial seems very irrelevant to people using these services. I actually had one woman “attack me” (via IM) because I didn’t meet her expectations. The particular ad that I’d posted was terse, so she had one a lot of fabrication and was obviously someone I’d want to avoid.

I went to coffee with a few women though their pictures suggested that I wouldn’t be physically attracted to them. I figure that there are a lot of folks who aren’t actually photogenic, but have dynamic personalities which actually do make them physically attractive, though they may not seem so based solely on some crappy cell phone picture their friend took. Pictures are useful for things like “oh, half of her face is tattooed with swastikas… maybe not the girl for me” but I think it’s rather shallow to base one’s impression solely on the picture.

One woman I ended up going to lunch with told me that she’d posted an ad on Craigslist and had gotten over 200 responses, many of which were professions of “undying, unyielding, immediate unconditional love” from men she’d never written a single word to, some of whom also sent pictures of their genitals. I asked her why she’d responded to my ad if she’d gotten so many responses from hers, and she said “there’s a serious lack of quality in the responses, your ad was interesting.” There wasn’t anything particularly interesting to me about that woman in person. I knew after the first question (which was “oh, that’s a cool PDA… what OS does it use?” “uh, I don’t know, I just use it to play solitaire”) that we were a non-match.

Think the women-to-men is so absurdly skewed towards women in the Bay Area that they just don’t even bother or care to be polite, which is a goddamn pisser when you’ve just spent a half hour writing a real response to someone’s ad. They can’t even muster up the courtesy to politely respond with “Oh, you seem very nice, but I don’t think we’d be a good fit. Thanks for taking the time to respond to my ad, and good luck with your search!” You’d think that a cogent, several-paragraph reply to ad would merit at least a polite two-sentence response. I guess I’m bemoaning the fact that if you have a vagina and live in the Bay Area, you can be as picky as you want to be and basic etiquette is irrelevant.

I personally think that the internet dating scene is a lot of noise with very little substance but it’s probably easier to find a gem online than it is in a bar, where there’s certainly far less substance.

On the matter of looks, they matter A LOT. There’s no point reading profiles and sending messages just to find out that there is no physical attraction. This is the major weakness of eHarmony and why they suck so bad.

What’s Hot Today.com
http://www.whatshottoday.com

i am just aware that a large number of people do perceive it that way. it’s certainly changing society dynamics in a way we can’t assess properly at the moment as it’s all too close right now.

Markus probably has some thoughts, but from what I can tell, they are a minor, minor competitor in the US right now. I can say from experience, you simply can’t find enough quality on plentyoffish in a major US city, compared to something like Match. There’s not nearly the volume, and as well as Markus is doing, I can’t imagine he’s making the money that true growth would require. But it would be great if Match and Yahoo got crushed by free sites.

The other coin to this is that every year more and more people come to a point in their life (age, desperation, frustration with meeting quality people, sexual exuberance etc.) when they decide they’re going to try the online dating thing. There’s many types; Analytical - the serious type. Paid dating sites. eHarmony rules this demo. Doesn’t want to waste time and not looking for casual (or semi-casual) sex. Religion is also a factor. Free Spirit - not serious. Mostly young. Not really looking for long term. These types will join not only three or four free dating sites, but they’ll also join some paid sites although they might not be the type to become a “paid” conversion. More than likely this type also has a MySpace profile, unless their 40+. Then the Average - A lot of people fall into this category. M & F ages 23-45 Divorced, Never Married, Few Failed Relationships etc. The older end of the crowd will use the paid sites, men will mostly pay (men who are really desperate will have accounts on Yahoo!, eHarmony until they figure it out, Match.com etc) some women will be paid member converts once they start to get a lot of emails. Some will have some free accounts, but many will be entirely new to this and might have hesitation about free dating sites & security. (which is absurd, it really doesn’t matter)
Then you have the dozens of smaller niche sites that cater to specifics. Sexual orientation, Race, Religion, Sexual Connections, Fetish etc. The point is, no one particular model will take over. Free, paid or niche. We all have specific things we’re looking for, and we’ll discover them in a variety of ways. You can argue that the paid model is taking a hit, but the same has happened with the free model sites thanks to “social networking”. In my mind there will always be an ebb and flow to it. All things in this world are cyclical, that rule even applies to something as silly as online dating.

-Sean

Best Non Dating Sites on the Net!
PixelShrink.com
http://www.iRegift.com
http://www.RoofContractor.com

It’s not sad at all that people are marrying partners that they’ve met online. At the end of the day, it’s not how people meet, but instead, how they connect.

One that’s unique to the UK is mysinglefriend.com. I only did Match for one month then unsubscribed. A friend signed me up to this other site and there are decent people on there… in other words, the type that wouldn’t sign themselves up for an internet dating site!

In general though, many of my friends - male and female - are trying online personals and it’s working very well for a lot of them!

sad? scary? surreal? or simply a reflection of changing times? i have no idea, but it clearly works (for an increasing ’some’) and next year’s % stats should be interesting reading …

Paid dating sites are used by singles who are motivated to meet a match. For most people dates don’t fall out of the sky. By being proactive and joining dating sites people increase their chances of getting dates and hopefully finding a match. Singles will continue dropping money for such opportunities.

While the emergence of social entertainment networks have contributed to the dating industry’s slowing growth, there is a silver lining; dating operators are now forced to focus more on providing quality and a better service to their members (hence more experimenting and out of the box thinking). This is ultimately Great news for millions of singles looking to dating sites for the opportunity to meet a soulmate.

Life is good.

http://www.verbdate.com/about/becky

Hey Mike how about being the first to upload a video of yourself smoking a cigar and lighting it with a $20 bill? Don’t let Om beat you!
cheers and I live zip.ca too!